Monday, 30 November 2009

My 1st Smiles

So, the first things to make me smile today. I haven't really done much today, & I may add some stuff as the day's not exactly over, but here goes:
1. Chatting to my friend Adam from back home at stupid o'clock in the morning because I was feeling lonely & he offered to cheer me up (it worked too)
2. Finding a Steampunk band on myspace (honestly, I'd never heard of a steampunk band before! The Deadly Nightshade Botanical Society are pretty damn good)
3. Coming out of the wind & rain into a nice hot room

About Clockwork Smile

This blog, like many other's I'm sure, is all about being positive & happy with life.
I'm an 18 year old Uni student, whose been living on her own for the first time in her life in London, since late September. Living here has been a huge change; I've become far more sociable, made some really great friends & am honestly having a great time, despite all worries & expectations (all my own).
To be honest, I've spent the last 18 years going through life pretty miserable. I've never been completely happy with myself, have always suffered from sever lack of confidence, been bullied a lot at school (cursed with red hair) & have lived as a bit of a social reject. I'm perfectly aware that, apart from the bullying, all those things are problems I have created myself. But the simple fact was I wasn't happy. Even when I thought I was, with family, friends or boyfriends, there was always something else wrong, something else causing me to be unhappy or worry about in the back of my mind. I realise now I was mostly just going through the motions of life; continuing high school with the same school's 6th form because I didn't know what else to do; staying with an ex after we had clearly died because I didn't want to be alone with myself, needing to feel that someone liked me because to be honest I barley liked myself. To be honest, I don't know why, but I've always been like that. Even planning for University I just went along with what the rest of my 6th form friends were doing. I was planning just to study English Lit or History since I already studied them. Then one day when I confessed to my Mum that I wasn't really sure what I should do, she suggested I go see the school's Connexions adviser. It was only on the off chance that when I was talking to the woman there that I mentioned I'm a big book worm, & would love to make a living off reading or editing books. & then we found my subject: publishing.
So here I am now studying Journalism & Publishing at Middlesex Uni in London.
But what really struck me was when I visited home about two weeks ago. My Grandparents stopped by briefly & after they left my Mum said to me that she'd asked my Grandad if he thought I'd changed. & my Grandad said "Yes, completely, she seems so much happier now".
& that's when I realised he was right; for the first time I can remember I am happy with my life & myself. Sure, I might get home sick occasionally & I still find it odd that I'm now single after spending the last three years in a relationship with someone, but no life is completely perfect. At least not in only two & a half months. I am happy & that's all that really matters.
So, to keep up with my new happier attitude towards life, I've decided to start this blog & post at least one thing per day that has made me smile. Hopefully there will be more than one, & I will try my hardest to keep this blog positive, even if something upsetting has happened to me. (I'll admit that I slightly copied/stolen the idea of a blog from a friend, but I'm sure he'll forgive me! *fingers crossed*)
Now, let's see how long I can keep this thing running!

NOTE: As you may have noticed, from the name, ect, I've recently become a huge fan of steampunk, mostly books & jewellery. I keep meaning to design some of my own jewellery, but, well, I'm sure I'll get around to it someday.